“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.” — Epictetus
“If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you will be unhappy all the days of your life.” — Abraham Maslow
“The system, to a large extent, causes its own behavior”— Donella Meadows
I’ve found it helps to look at your life as a collection of systems. Think about the parts that make up your day-to-day and how to keep them running well. This isn’t about maximizing your productivity or getting more work done, as that usually just throws you out of balance. Instead, I want you to think about what you actually value.
I’ve learned that different parts of your life need more focus at different times. For example, when your kids are young, you’ll likely give much of your energy to parenting. But as they grow up, that focus might shift toward more time with your partner, a bigger push in your career, or pursuit of various hobbies.
Don’t react to short term events. Instead, look at the long game and tune your systems. Recalibrate the big pieces like your family’s needs, your work, and your downtime. I agree with Carl Rogers’ observation that:
“The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”
There’s a rule you should keep in mind called the Pareto principle. It says that 20% of what you do usually leads to 80% of your results. This rule shows up everywhere, from business to nature. I want you to find the 20% of your life that gives you 80% of your purpose and fulfillment. Focus your energy there. Technology is making the world move faster, so that core might get even smaller. Whether it’s 10% or only even 1%, you have to adapt and figure out what that vital part is for you.
The important thing is to think outside of yourself. Don’t get fixated on who you are right now. Be confident, but more importantly, have a vision of the type of person you want to be at every stage of your life. Then, build the systems that make that vision a reality. As Marcus Aurelius said,
“You have to assemble your life yourself—action by action. And be satisfied if each one achieves its goal, as far as it can.”